The First Struggle

I know I have issues with my husband. Not that I'm blaming him, but some of my difficulties are based in my marriage. Last night we had an argument. I usually go out of my way to avoid them since they are so dysfunctional and ineffective. But last night I felt picked on--ganged up on, even, since my daughter sided with my husband.

I stayed up after they went to bed. I watched TV--something mindless--and realized that I wanted to eat. I was only a little hungry since we had a quick dinner before running out to Back-to-School night. So I had a low-carb snack. What I really wanted was a martini and then to precede to eat everything that wasn't nailed down....

But I didn't.

I have to answer to the Blog. I almost made another entry last night, but I was somewhat fascinated by examining all of the possible triggers that made me want to eat.

• Eating is a self-comforting mechanism for me; it's a friend, a distraction, a liberation from restrictions, an anger-neutralizing salve.
• Eating is "justified" when I'm in self-pity mode.
• Eating is a "reward" for the self-sacrificing I feel I'm doing by staying in this marriage.
• Eating is a default behavior--a habit.
• Eating is self-destructive.

I eventually got tired and went to bed without eating. Yay, for me! So overall, yesterday was a good day--I ate low-carb, I drank water, I took all my pills. But emotionally, it sucked.